Janna Audey: Blog

Good morning, and happy Thursday!  It's a gentle, gray day here in northern VA.  The perfect kind of day to slow down, reflect, write, and share...

Over the years I have worked diligently at maintaining a sense of balance in my life.  We are all familiar with the word "balance"...and, as we age, we begin to understand that balance is a moving target, based on what is on our plate from day to day, week to week.  How our health is.  How our family's health is.  Work responsibilities.  The list goes on...relative to what you value in your own life.  Some folks value maintaining multiple social relationships, while others value alone-time.  You may like to travel, or use your time-off for a staycation-- to work on a home project or hobby.  The key is that we balance all of our needs-- physical, intellectual, emotional, creative, spiritual, and so on...

I remember back in the late 90s my brother and I were having an email dialogue.  I joked with him, as I recognized that all I had mastered at that stage was balance.  Many of my peers were skyrocketing in their careers, while I chose to stay where I was...for I knew inherently, given my values and personality type, the moment I began to manage people would be the moment I had to give up my music to the degree at which my mind and heart needed to express itself.  And that meant a big part of me would die.  Who knew that 10 years later, after our e-conversation, I would become a certified yoga teacher, where things like balance and self-awareness are essential aims on the yogic path?  That what my heart and soul were guiding me to do led me to where I needed to be.

Wow.  If this has happened in my life, I know it has happened in yours.  Have you ever hit that pause button, come back to the middle, to that state of balance where you can actually hear/listen to your inner truth, and acknowledge where and why you are doing what you are doing?  Put the pieces of your life together? It is one of the most gratifying things in the world.  Understanding self is one of the reasons we are all here...

I'm coming back to the middle with everything else on my plate.  And I have a lot on my plate...several values and needs that if one of them goes unattended, the other parts of me feel uneasy.  Musically, that means I'll be gigging out at a steadier pace, regardless of the season.  What I learned from 2011 and past years was that over-gigging in the spring and summer sent my yoga-self into a tailspin, and I'm done feeling that way.  I lived a fast-paced life for many of my adult years.  And it's time to move forward from living that way, for I learned what I needed to from that experience. 

How about you?  Has your soul been growing, pressing up against your skin from the inside, encouraging you to let go of some of those not-so-important things on your to-do-list?  Are you listening?  Have you observed when it is that you feel balanced, content, and genuinely happy?  Are you feeding those parts of you with consistency?  This is the reason I share my truth with you...because truth feeds truth.  And you living a truthful life matters.  It matters to everyone around you.  For as we live our truth, we encourage others to live theirs, even if and often times when it is different from ours.  It's magical!

My wish is that you continue to uncover, remember, and ignite all of the goodness that lives in you.  Happy journeying!

Until next time...

Good morning, and happy Sunday!

The sun is shining, and before Rob, Mysti and I venture out on our morning hike, I wanted to sit and write, and share a few thoughts and ideas with you.  Connecting through words is such an accessible form of communication.  It allows me to write as I have the space and time, and you to read and receive when you have the same.  Thank you, technology!

This has been an interesting year for me.  Every year is, however this one seems to have been about purging the old ways that no longer serve the who I am becoming.  Pretty profound ways, as they relate to long-term relationships in my life, such as music, health and family.  While the path of yoga reminds me to evaluate life each step of the way, there is something quite profound about the close of one year that allows us to look back on bigger chunks of time.  And then make sense of it all...

When we accept who we are, what our purpose in life is, and then make it our business to feed this purpose each and every day, which to me is a form of pure love, whether you label it that or not, then we naturally have less time for those things that aren't feeding the mission, the goal, the who we are "now".  It's not that we don't love those things anymore, it simply means that we have already had our time to experience them, and that it's time to move forward to experience growth and evolution.  We have to be where we are, fully, when it is our time to be there.  And when it's time to move on, we must also be willing to travel into the unknown of what's to come. 

Whether we let go of "XYZ" forever, or simply place it on a shelf for an extended period of time, the key here is to acknowledge that we do, in fact, need to tend to something of greater interest or importance to us.  This is what the aging process teaches us.  Time moves us, and we have more things on our plates-- more relationships, more life experiences, more obligations, and all the while we still only have 24 hours in a day.  To add to the mix, the body is aging, and we must keep up with our own health, and this takes energy, time, discipline, and money, too. 

This Thanksgiving was a turning point for me, as I looked back on the richness I have experienced over the years.  Family trips, gatherings, turkey, laughter, over-eating, wine, coffee drinks, board games, etc.  A tradition that our family carried on even after our father passed away.  November 24, 2011...things were different.  My commitment to health, wellness, and balance are of greater importance to me now (yes, cancer has left my body, however my duty to care for body is an ongoing on).  And that means overeating, loud conversation, driving six hours in traffic, etc...those parts of the experiences are not of value to me anymore.  I've already had my share of those things, and a call for peace is much stronger.  Especially since both music and yoga require me to work before and after holidays.  I can't be in the background as a lead singer or a yoga teacher.  I must be present and aware.  Yes, this Thanksgiving, I simply needed time to be in the quiet.  And, Rob, Mysti and I kicked off the holiday season with health and wellness...hiking every day, enveloped by nature's stillness, and quiet evenings on the couch.  There was love, laughter, and even wine...and, through it all, a pulse of serene energy.  The gifts of technology allowed us to connect to our loved ones via phone, email, text and Skype.  We made it all work with our "now". :)

The next two days, I was able to teach yoga from an authentic place-- a joyful heart, a peaceful mind, and a calm tummy, too. :)  I had the foresight and enough experiences to draw from to know that choosing old ways to honor Thanksgiving would have taken me off path...and negatively impacted my students and my own health. 

My commitment and love for this purpose, this work of yoga, which has become a way of life, has changed the way I do many things-- it requires tremendous discipline, and four years into teaching I can now firmly say this: it limits the time I have to socialize, to gig out, and draws me closer to things like self-analysis, daily exercise, conscious eating, stillness, and peace.  The togetherness we experience in each yoga class is so rich, whether I am the student or the teacher.  My values and my work are finally in-synch...now, it's up to me to continue to feed these parts.  What are your values at this stage of life?  And what are you willing to let go of, and more important, welcome in? :)

The price of love is so worth it, and I look back with gratitude for all that I experienced during those more youthful days, and now look ahead with a curious, yet discerning, mind and open heart of what is yet to come.  I am ready!  Are you?

Until next time... ~Janna

Good morning, and happy Wednesday.  The pull to write this morning is quite strong.  Even though I have a busy teaching schedule, I am flowing with this energy.

Yesterday was a magical and challenging day.  Yep.  It was both things.  Greeted in the morning by an angel-- an earth angel...a stranger who reflected back to me light and love and God, to then move throughout the day to have no choice but to purge a few old ways.  Imagine yourself playing tug-of-war with a rope-- on one end, your former self.  On the other end, your current and future self.  That's what was going on inside...

Future self: "Janna, it's time to let go of XYZ.  It's no longer serving you, and doesn't gel with your family life, your yogic life, or your post-cancer-limited-energy life."

Past self...disguised as current self:  "No way...I can still do this.  I can do all things!"

Future self:  "Um, no you can't.  As soon as you accept this you will feel free."  :)

Sound familiar?

We all go through the push-and-pull in our lives.  As we are younger, we're probably not as aware of the process, because our emotional and psychological development isn't-- and shouldn't be-- what it is in our 40s and beyond.  As we get older, and especially so if we are leading a disciplined life, we are very much aware of what fits and doesn't fit anymore.  Our bodies respond.  Our hearts speak to us.  The question is, are we listening?

What gets challenging for we humans is that we think we only have to release things that we no longer enjoy or like.  This isn't always the case, as we often times must let go of things that we still like at some level.  When we are dealing with habits and beliefs-- intangible "stuff"-- it can get tricky.  It's the same with clothing, shoes, or furniture that we donate.  We've simply "outgrown" whatever it is we need to let go of.   Or there's not enough room in our internal closets.  Our spiritual and emotional selves grow right along with our bodies.  And we have limited space to house these things, much like we do in our homes.  Unless you enjoy clutter?

This morning's song is one from Donna DeLory.  Formerly Madonna's back-up singer, awhile back she traded in her cone-bra and is making a new kind of music.  A blend of western and eastern (Sanskrit) lyrics and melody.  She is singing from her heart.  It's not that she wasn't singing from her heart when she was with Madonna...she's simply growing and evolving. 

As the song opens, she sings..."Lost, criticized. Hard to reach, hard to find.  You will rise, I'll watch you fly.  You will shine, in time.  Bathe in these waters.  Bathe in these waters.  And wash it away..."

You will shine...in time.  You are shining now, at whatever stage of you life you are at!  And if you feel it's time to change and move forward, well, dig up some of your favorite music, sit, listen, and be still.  And then release and...wash it away.

Until next time...

Good morning, and happy Tuesday!  I'm feeling that internal tension, one that I've become quite familiar with.  The sensation that speaks "it's time to write".  Let's see where this blog takes us. :)

Coming off a busy stretch of travel and music, I am reminded of a song that I wrote during my cancer journey called Brand New.  The further away from the experience of healing body and mind and (still) recovering from chemotherapy, the deeper meaning this song has come to have.  While my personal story is one of surviving cancer, yours may be about something else...a death in your family, overcoming addiction, loss of a job, divorce, etc. 

While we are in the midst of the experience itself it may be challenging to see the scope of the metamorphosis that is taking place.  Being a yoga teacher, the daughter of a psychologist, and a woman who has been analyzing self for 22 years now, I consciously blocked off time each day during treatment, after treatment, and still, to process what was happening-- I wanted to be fully present with the situation, as I knew it was life-changing, and had much to teach me. 

I learned to listen to my body, I learned to help heal my body along with western medicine (I was extremely blessed in that my treatment was targeted chemotherapy, specific to the cancer cells in my body), I learned to be present, and most of all, I learned self-acceptance.  I learned to love myself as a bald woman with lower physical energy, no libido (thankfully, temporary!), dedicated to teaching yoga and performing out. Somehow I had the energy for these things, because I knew that they were a byproduct of love, and that they were contributing to my healing.

Spiritually, I witnessed myself blossom into a loving, compassionate, accepting, discerning, aware woman.  In essence, I had to let go of the physical stuff to grow the other parts of me.  It wasn't easy, walking the tightrope of wanting to be like I was while stumbling time and time again, being reminded to let those parts of me go.  Over the past eight months, I have been trying to piece everything back together, striving to become whole. 

I'm 3-1/2 years older since the diagnosis-- and those years in your 40s make a difference.  Especially so after six cycles of R-CHOP, killing your cells and then generating new cells every 21 days.  My body regenerated itself six times over-- something that typically happens in a healthy body, and not all at once, every seven years or so.  Good grief, no wonder why I feel as though I am 80 years old many days.  My body, while new, some days is still very tired from this process. 

Some of you are probably saying, "How does this make you brand new?  You are tired and feel older?"  Because the sense of newness is so much more-- it's my perception of reality vs. illusion, it's the state of joy I feel a little bit each and every day, it's because I have less energy I have come to prioritize my life and how I use the time to feed those parts that perpetuate good health, joy, love, and overall wellness, and mostly, it's been in the letting go of what and who I "should" be, and fully, unabashedly, embracing who I am. 

And I want that for everyone around me who strives to want this for themselves.  I am so blessed to teach yoga and share a genuine passion for truth-seeking, self-care, love (self and others) and compassion (self and others).  And I wouldn't be who I am without having experienced cancer, treatment, and recovery. 

I can only understand my life, and it is in and through sharing and experiential learning where we can encourage one another to find and discover their own way.  To remind you to be who you are and love it.  And this season is such a special one-- rapid change in nature that reflects back, in the immortal words of George Sand, that "it is never too late to be what you might have been."

Until next time...

Good afternoon! And, happy Friday...

Well, I've been drawn to write, and so let's see where this blog entry takes us all.  I must confess, I learn as I type, release, and put these thoughts into structure, form.  Thank you for reading along and encouraging me to continue to share.  It really means a great deal to me...

I recently dug-up an old KT Tunstall tune called "Heal Over".  A few of the lyrics reached out to me, in the second verse, and she sings:  "And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself / That these feelings are in the past / You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf / Because pain is built to last."  This verse struck me because it seems that many people only want to feel the happy thoughts.  That they will go to great lengths to swallow the emotional stuff that isn't "pretty".   To tuck it away.  To keep busy.  What eventually happens, though, is that the ball of pain gets bigger, which means that bigger and taller walls are then built on the inside to keep hiding the pain, to a place of non-feeling.  The price that we pay for tucking the sadness away is that we are fully disengaging from the entire color pallete...the black and white, the greens, the blues, the pinks, the oranges, and the reds.  We're stuck in a sort of gray, just moving along.  I know because I spent about three years in my 30s doing just that... 

As I am returning from a yoga retreat/training in Palm Springs, still downloading all of the nuggets of wisdom, one common thought we yoga teachers shared was that we see a large part of the population simply "going through the motions", unaware of where and what they are doing.  There is a level of numbness out there, and it's as if the pain, or the absence of joy, is what is becoming mainstream.  That we are actually, at large, uncomfortable feeling happiness because it's become so foreign to us.  I need to repeat that:  most people actually feel guilty for feeling joy or happiness because everyone else has found comfort in the state of numbness.  Wow.  Again, I know this, because I experienced it.  And, here's the beauty-- I accept that it was part of my journey to becoming who I am. :)  No regrets! 

I suppose I'm now far enough removed where I choose to make that conscious decision to look forward, not back, to not give that previous state of being any energy or time, because what we feed grows.  Life has taken me across too many miles since then to turn back to that place.  I much prefer to use my experience for good...to (hopefully) inspire others to embrace their precious lives and all that is.  To find contentment and acceptance with where they are...

If you are feeling stuck or surrounded by this type of stagnant energy, become a leader!  Make a conscious decision to heal your past (sorry, KT, IMHO, while pain may last, we can transform it into an energy that ultimately empowers us), to work through the pain, and to then begin to make choices that feed more positive, uplifting aspects of you.  The things that make you smile, because when we live consciously, we are nourishing ourselves *and* everyone around us at the same time. 

And, guess what?  Even through life's challenges we can find joy, if we choose to see the good around us and in us. :)

That said, if you don't have a trusted friend or life partner, or a thick journal to write in, please seek the help of a professional life coach, therapist, etc., to help you get back on track until you feel comfortable working through life's challenges with some level of comfort.  Something beautiful happens after we work through the pain...we feel immediate release, space, and openness inside, of which only love can then fill.

Until next time...

Good morning, and happy Saturday!  Almost like clockwork, I am called to write my monthly blog...and so, here I am! :)

Every step in life is so important...these aren't mere words.  Each movement, decision we make is tied to our growth, learning and evolution.  Sometimes we move at a turtle's pace, and other times we make big leaps forward.  If you are living with intention, then you will view the moments of stillness as forward movement in themselves.  Because they require us to journey within, to be undistracted by external "stuff".  And for this introvert...that is an exciting place to be.  For the extroverts out there...not so much.  :)

Before I move on, so many folks shake their heads in disbelief that I, Janna, am an introvert.  :)  For everyone's enlightenment, I want to include the definitions for introverted and extroverted personalities...because we introverts are often misunderstood.  Once you know and accept who you are primarily, you can readily see and accept in others who they are.  It's beautiful!  

I have learned that following my dreams and staying connected and true to my core values requires a tremendous amount of downtime so that I can hear my truth.  I only know my truth, as a 45-year old, Lebanese-American married, introverted, yoga-teacher, singer-songwriter woman, whose top value is a state of wholeness.  I speak my truth to you so that you can honor and see yourself with the same level of authenticity.  We have too much dishonesty around us, and it's all-too-easy to talk ourselves out of what is true for us, simply because "everyone else" is doing "x, y, z".   What I have learned over the past 10 years is this:  we become and adapt to the energy and environment around us.  What are you willing or unwilling to "let-in" to your environment?  It is all too easy to get off-track, my friends.  And at this age...time is equal to life.  And I really value my life.  I sure hope you value yours, too. :)

The journey inward actually requires me to fly above myself, to observe "Janna" as if she were not me, so that I may remain objective.  To understand the choices I make, why, make changes, let go, let in, whatever it is that I am tending to at the moment.  Life is constantly moving and flowing, as much as we humans want it to stand still.  Creation of a balanced life requires discipline.  And a balanced life is where I am most joyful and at peace, so it is a discipline well worth the time and effort.  

Do you need to "fly", step away from what you think you should be doing, to see yourself for who you actually are?  Are you willing to pursue your truth with all that you have?  To protect what is important to you?  Do you know what these things are at this stage of your life?  Start small...be a turtle...embrace the process...because there is nothing more gratifying than discovering you.

Until next time...

Janna

Hello, and happy Tuesday!  I hope you are enjoying the day...

So, I'm using another Alanis Morissette lyric this month.  Just because. :)  As I prepare to write each monthly blog, I am guided or drawn to a certain lyric the moment I open up the website editor.  It's not really a planned thing.  I suppose leading up to this moment I'm subconsciously processing the stuff going on in my life, and how I am learning from it.  Those things that require us to hit the pause button.  Because I have been nursing a broken toe these days, and literally stopped in my tracks for awhile, this lyric is perfect...just perfect. :)

I know, I know, most of you are thinking, well to what is the broken toe a consequence of?  It's true...the afternoon I jammed my foot into a stool I was not in a hurry, I was not distracted, I was actually walking down the stairs in a calm manner.  It's quite odd that the pace of my stride would've caused a broken toe, but it did.  Being a student and follower of the 8-limbed path of yoga,  I believe, as do other avid followers of yoga, that everything...and I mean every thing...is here to teach us, to guide us back to our truest nature.  To get us back on track.

After two days vascillating between giddy laughter and crying my eyes out (those pain meds were strong!)  I came back to center.  That state of balance where I can listen, understand, and receive clarity.  And it was then I realized that breaking my toe was actually a good thing.  I had been taking on too many things, and forgetting to let stuff go from my very full plate.

Back in January I broke my ring finger, which caused me to cancel a few shows, as I couldn't play guitar for awhile.  Now in July, while I was forced to cancel two shows because I was unable to hold any weight on my foot at all (and highly-medicated!), the physical limitation is really surrounding my yoga practice, as a teacher and a student.  I've had to sub-out many of the classes that require the constant demonstration of the postures.  This evaluation led to a big a-ha moment for me.  As with the January incident, my life had gotten out of balance...way out of balance.  And it was time to re-assess things. 

Thank you, consequence...thank you, broken toe!! :)  I am listening!

It is impossible to accurately understand our lives when we are in constant motion, a state of always doing.  We actually need to block ample time throughout our lives to simply be so that we can see where we are, what direction we are heading, and how we plan to get there.  As much as we hope for quick fixes, I've come to understand there are no shortcuts.  If we believe in God, Divine, Supreme Being-- a universal force beyond ourselves...whatever you choose to label that energy as-- then we must believe that everything that is happening around us is really about keeping us aligned to fulfill our unique purpose in this world.  What we are here to accomplish.  And then keeping that piece of our lives in-check with the rest of it, and what we value.  And that is personal...only you know what is important to you. 

Whatever it is that you are working toward or on in your life, I hope that you find your clarity and understanding, whether through the challenges that you are facing, through the lives and experiences of your friends, through sacred texts, or journaling, or over a glass of wine on your front porch.  Whatever rocks your world.  You are in the driver's seat, my friend.  And there are times when the car is in first gear, other times when life's demands take it up to fifth gear, and then moments where we must pull over and put the car in park.  The key is to be exactly where you are while you are there, that when circumstance changes the pace of things, to flow with the new direction.  To let go of resistance.  To understand that "it" is happening to teach you. 

May you understand that your life is perfect just the way it is.  Each day, each breath, each moment, is remarkable.  And so are you...

Until next time... 

Good morning, and happy Monday!  I hope all of the fathers enjoyed their special day yesterday. :)

I love the summer season.  It offers me many opportunities to share the gift of music throughout the region.  It's hard to describe the feeling of peace I feel in my heart, mind, and soul after a show...I think Alanis' line from "Hand in Pocket" describes it best, hence the title of this blog.  I'm high, but I'm grounded.  Yeah!

It's interesting, because last week during the yoga classes I taught, we focused on the importance of remaining grounded.  Especially around the full moon and her energy.  In general, though, especially for we creative types, we must stay rooted in order to realize our vision, our dreams.  On one hand, we have the potential to tap into that collective unconscious and see the world from above, and on the other hand, we can have the propensity to stay up there and not come down.  In which case, the vision never gets to be born through us. 

The deeper our roots, the higher we can actually go.  Maslow spoke of this in his heirarchy of needs, as well.  It's pretty hard to think of anything beyond survival if the base needs are not being met.  In yoga, the chakra system is very similar to this paradigm.  We have the root chakra all the way up to the crown chakra.  We must keep all parts of self aligned and balanced to continue to grow and evolve.

As we age, and the deeper we go into our life's purpose, our true work, the greater the need for balance, groundedness, and ultimately expansion.  Late nights on the town are not a frequent part of my life anymore, because I simply *love* mornings...the untaintedness, the rawness and purity.  Like, early mornings (6AM).  Of course, I'm speaking as an almost-45-year old woman, who has celebrated and enjoyed so many nights out on the town already. :) At some point, to move forward, we have to let go, or at least begin to moderate fun with the other aspects of our lives.  The development of we humans changes dramatically after 40. If we choose, and if we are listening...

So let's bring this back to you, in the context of your life, and what you value.  Even if you are much younger than me, there may be a message in here for you.  What is your vision? What motivates you? How can you begin to incorporate your dreams into your reality?  And, what are you willing to let go of to find true inner happiness?

"Cause what it all comes down to, is that no one's really got it figured out just yet.  I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is...."  The other one is what?

My wish for you is that you continue to share with the world all of your beauty, your gifts, and allow others around you to do the same.  Remember, when we live our truth, we inspire others to do the same.

Until next time...

Good morning, and happy mid-May! :)

I have been feeling a strong push to move forward since April...right around the full moon.  And tonight, another full moon awaits us.  Her energy is encouraging, and strong.  Whether you believe in the energy that the universe shines down on us or not, maybe you've been aware that this time, this season, is calling on us all to make progress.  And, often times, this progress is a result of challenge, pain, fear *and* hope, wonder, and faith.  That's right, it's all of it.  It's time for we as a people to acknowledge that life is all things.  And that we must stop blaming, and use our precious, vital energy to love ourselves and those around us...

We are all imperfect.  Once we embrace this truth, we can begin to accept ourselves "as-is", put energy into growing and enhancing what we can in our lives, and then release the stuff that doesn't serve us anymore. 

As we accept ourselves, something magical happens...we begin to truly love ourselves.  Unconditional love for self.  We must start here before we can expect others to love us as we are. 

When we discover love for self, we then begin to see others with a loving heart.  With compassion.  For we have accepted our own imperfections, our own struggles, our own truth, and realize that everyone else is struggling, too.  We are all sharing the human experience...taking unique paths to get "there".  

So, just for today, do something for YOU.  When you catch yourself about to vent or complain or blame, instead, do something that makes you happy.  Go for a walk around the block.  Listen to your favorite song.  Close the office door and play air guitar.  Try something new.  Feed that part of you...because really, in the end, when we complain or blame, it stems from a feeling of lack.  Counter the hunger by nourishing; take control of your own happiness.  It really is that simple, and that difficult. :)

I hope you are able to"love the one you're with" everyday.  That means, you.

Until next time...

Happy Tuesday!

Mysti and I just returned from taking a stroll around a community pond.  Midway through our walk it began to pour down rain.  My instinct was to start running, but quickly decided to let Mysti take the lead.  With tail wagging and mouth smiling, witnessing that Mysti was in her now and fully enjoying it, we simply walked at our normal pace, and thoroughly enjoyed getting drenched!

While the transition into spring has been a beautiful mix of excitement, contentment, struggle, introspection, and sadness, and as I realized how wet we actually were, I felt a wave of relief, as if the last bits of the past ten years were being washed away, out of me, off of me.  I felt free, for I've been working on some of these cobwebs for a couple years now.  To my surprise, out came a big, belly laugh, and melodic singing.  Mysti responded to my happiness by galloping. :)

The last ten years...what's Janna talking about?  Well, I subscribe to the belief  that life happens in ten year cycles.  And I have experienced that the shift actually starts at the seven year mark.  Ten years ago this weekend (4/22-4/23) was the last time I saw my father before his stroke and brain hemorrhage.  And on April 28, 2001, he passed away.  I can't remember if it was the 26th or the 27th when he actually had his stroke, but we rushed up to PA in the middle of the night to go to the hospital to be by his side.  I knew the moment we got the call his death was imminent.

Death is part of life, and it's a sad part of life. It's the flip-side to joy, and I had a lot of joy growing up as my father's daughter.  It only makes sense that his death would be profound, and it was the first time (I was 34 at the time) that I felt real sorrow.  That deep, pit, hollow, holy-crap-what-is this feeling...you know what I'm talking about if you have experienced the loss of a parent, or someone close to you.

And as I scan back on these past ten years...WOW.  It's so much, it's overwhelming, all the growth and experience that has transpired.  And from 40-44, even moreso.  Every year seems to count after 40, and this is something you won't understand until you cross the line into this rich decade. (Enjoy the 20s/30s while you are there, with all of the confusion and the excitement and the abundant energy...I sure did!)

I'm letting go of a persona that no longer fits me, which means that a huge part of me is dying, too.  I'm de-weeding my internal self, my garden, so that I can create space for a  much larger part of me that is ready to bloom.  She needs more space, less clutter.  I think it was this part of my future self that was actually singing in the rain this morning.  She's been waiting for this moment.

I hope that you, too, are honoring both the sadness and excitement of life.  That in the letting go, in the space that you give yourself-- even though it may hurt to release the familiar-- you see your potential, the road ahead, and begin to walk toward those new, yet-to-be-explored parts of you.

Peace to you on this gentle, rainy day.  Until next time...

Good morning, folks--

I hope you are enjoying the first few days of March.  The sun is shining today, but he's deceiving.  Even with mittens, a wool cap, and a winter coat, I was still rather cold. :)

Mysti and I just returned from the dog park.  Rob has after-work play dates, I take the mornings.  I love the little traces of history throughout the park, all of the sticks strewn about, and a few even close to the gate's door...stories of the fun that my family enjoyed 14 hours before this moment. :)

I've been noticing over the past few weeks Mysti's desire to want to hold more than one toy in her mouth.  The game is I toss a stick, she fetches it, I toss another, she chases after it with the first stick in her mouth.  And then, in her puppy-like state, she doesn't know what to do.  She drops the stick to take another, and then realizes she had to give up the first stick, and so she plays this back and forth, until her jaw decides which stick it likes best, and then she runs toward me, awaiting the next toss.

I tell her while we're playing, "Mysti, you can't have both...you have to choose."  Of course, the inner yogini in me begins to smile, because this is a life lesson in itself.  How Mysti has been reminding me through February until now that I, too, must let go of a "stick" or two in my own life. :)

Today, though, as the park became Mysti's toybox, I was well-aware that we had a good flow of energy with about 4-5 of the sticks...that Mysti, once she surrendered to the reality that she could really only have one stick at a time, playtime became a rhythmic motion of toss-n-fetch.

I know what this means to me, but what does it mean to you?

For me, I am reminded that multi-tasking is a total myth.  We cannot focus or do two things at once without giving up something in return-- whether that be accuracy, our total attention, or complete mindfulness.  As a yoga student, follower, and teacher, living mindfully is a discipline that I nurture each day of my life.  And it's amazing how quickly it can escape me even with a day or two of trying to live opposite to this way of life.

March is the month to begin creating the next version of you. Chances are, new "sticks" are being tossed your way, which means that it's time to let go of one or two of the old ones.  Holding onto everything in your toybox of life will only cause frustration, anxiety, and disharmony, within you and in your relationships to those around you. 

So what are you ready to let go of? 

May you continue to evolve in becoming the best possible version of yourself, now and always.  Until next time...

~Janna

Ah, yeah...I just love this song by the Rolling Stones.  And the chorus goes...

You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need, Ah, yeah!"

That's right.  You get what you need.

Sure, life is a mix of things.  Accidents happen.  Death happens.  Birth happens.  In between, well, there is a lot of gray space...seemingly random stuff.  It is my belief that it is in the random stuff where we learn about what we're made of.  Where we are supposed to be going.  That is, if we choose to listen, and not play the victim. 

I supposed I've always believed this, and have learned-first hand, that these things happen to get us back on track.  At a certain age, there's a checklist of milestones one can look back on.  Those big events that just "happened", and as we get through, we can actually look back and say, "Wow, I totally get why I needed to experience this!"  And, if you are living a mindful life, most often, you understand "why" while it is actually happening...

Cancer was that "biggie" for me...the life lesson that, well, took me into new territory. While I recognize that we all change and grow, having experienced what I went through on all levels-- physically, emotionally, and spiritually-- well, I'm forever changed.  While I never want to travel the cancer miles again, I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to heal all of me.  I would not be me without the experience of cancer.  I knew the moment the tumor was found-- along with the sadness-- that there was a huge opportunity awaiting me, but I had no idea the scope of this until I passed through the gate...

It's amazing how many people have reached out to me about my bruised finger...my poor little ring finger, which has kept me from playing guitar.  I am *so thankful* for all of the love and kindness, truly.  And, yet, I was not down about what happened to me.  I knew immediately when it happened, after the *#*! bleep-bleepity-bleeps, "why" it happened.  My body was speaking to me.  My mind was speaking to me.  Through this seemingly random thing...

I gig so much, and as a songwriter, a musician, and as a woman who is turning 45 this year, well, it's quite important to stop the wheels once in awhile to see if we're on the right bus for the next leg of the journey.  Having this time "off" from playing has afforded me the space for this level of contemplation.  And what perfect timing-- while I'm recording my solo stuff!  Where do I need to be heading with the music?  What's possible for me at this stage of life-- and in the context of *all* of my life-- not just making music.  I'm a yoga teacher now, who meditates most (early) mornings, I relish my time with Rob and Mysti, and traveling, and visits with family and friends.  It's time to re-evaluate everything on the plate.  It's all about portion control. :)  At least for me...balance is one of my top values.  Why?  Because it's in that state of balance when I'm happiest, most content, and genuine...

My sincere hope is that at least one person will shift their perception, in seeing that in not getting what they want, they are really getting what they need...

Until next time,

~Janna

Good morning, and happy Sunday!

It's only 7:45AM here in northern VA.  I've been up for about two hours already.  Yes, I'm a morning person. :)  

I had lunch with a dear friend yesterday.  Our conversations are always incredibly rich and supportive. Our friendship has evolved over the years, but at this stage of our lives, we help one another make sense of where we are, and explore ways that we can continue to share the gifts that we've been blessed with.  We believe in Purpose.  We believe in goodness.  And we believe in sharing the gift of Love. 

I'll call my friend "Sally".  Sally was sharing with me how there is so much fear being perpetuated in her work environment, through the media, and how this (unfortunate) leadership style is really one of locking people in.  I believe she said it like this, "You cannot control happy, grounded, self-aware people."  Wow.  Think about that.  Think about the ramifications of being led by this fear-based approach.

I know of several success stories of friends who have found new positions and landed on their feet after their layoff.  Or folks, like me, who ventured out to follow their passion, and are thriving. Did I mention that I was diagnosed with cancer 13 days after I left my job to follow my passion, and that still didn't stop me? 

We can always convince ourselves of whatever it is that we need to believe.  So, if we are afraid to leave our job with benefits and the big salary, we'll keep telling ourselves why we should stay.  The mind is a very powerful thing, and this works both ways....

Or, we can tell ourselves that, yes, we need the job to save money so that we can have a nestegg to support ourselves until we are ready to make the transition, but the end-goal is the transition.  And the transition is to step over the hurdle, from doing what we think we should be doing, to following what we are destined to do...

Okay, so maybe you have a really big mortgage and expenses and can't afford to follow your dreams 100%.  That's okay...I bet you have an hour or two a week that you can find to nourish your gifts part-time.  Maybe join the church choir or band?  Or sign-up for that creative writing class that you've been meaning to do for the past three years.  Or become certified in a trade or skill that your experience and knowledge should be represented by.  Every step toward loving our gifts, feeding our gifts, makes us happier people.  Whether it's one hour a week or 20 hours a week.  We have to start somewhere...and starting small is always a healthy, doable approach.

If you are over 40, every single year counts.   And if you are in your 30s, one day you will realize this, too.  When we have youth, we needn't think about the aging process.  It's not too soon, however, to think about what it is that you want to do "one day"...you probably already have a few ideas. :)

When we make the shift to share our talents and gifts, and follow our purpose, it feeds love, not fear.  We nurture things like inspiration and joy.  Of course, there will be challenges, as with everything in life, but I'd rather climb a mountain lined with vibrant colors and clean air than one surrounded by black and gray and pollution.

Love yourself.  Nourish your talents.  You'll be amazed that how, by doing so, your capacity to love others blooms.

Until next time... ~Janna

I am finding the need to write tonight...actually, all weekend I have felt the urge.  Let's see where this all takes me...

I initially wanted to title the blog "confessions of an aging musician", but then I realized that what I'm feeling goes beyond music.  I suppose the scope of what I want to write about is being content with who you are when you are where you are.  Huh?  Re-read it a couple times...I think it will make sense. :)

I remember starting out in music back in 1984.  Jazz ensemble all the way to state chorus and the ultimate, a lead role in Kiss Me, Kate. After high school, I quickly made the leap into rock-and-roll, which was where my heart and soul felt most comfortable.  Sure, it was a stage, but not theater.  There was no acting involved...the dancing around, head-banging, swaying of the hips, all of it...was, and is, sincere.  It's simply what I felt and still feel when the band plays their instruments, when I sing the songs. 

Moving through the years, playing bigger stages and such, well, I must confess, I had a bit of an ego.  I was the same Janna in many ways...loving and complimenting every band I heard before and after our spots, but I really thought we were the best rock band EVER and that we were going to "make it". :)  Ah...the youthful ways of my mid-late 20s.  Regrets?  No way!  I loved every moment of my 20s...the blue shots, the pitchers of beer, the extra 15 pounds that came with the drinking, playing pool, hanging out until 2AM, grabbing late breakfasts after...functioning on little sleep.  I enjoyed who I was when I was where I was.  That is, until I wasn't supposed to be there anymore...

My 30s took me in a slightly different direction.  I still played rock music, but wasn't enjoying it as much.  I preferred time spent learning guitar, writing, playing coffeehouses, and developing a new style to my singing.  I yearned for this quieter side, the raw intimacy that the solo shows gave me.  People were actually listening to my lyrics and asking me about the meaning of the songs.  Alas, the loud rock music, the screaming to talk to people in-between sets, and the late nights weren't as much fun anymore.  Looking back, I understand why...the new side of the music I was committed to was polar opposite to my late teen and 20s-something music scene.  It was all about looking in.  And that requires 8 hours of sleep, preferably without a hangover.  :)

Then the late 30s happened, and that seemed to be the time in my life where I was beginning to create space for both sides of the music.  And fully accepting that I wasn't just one style of singer.  My 40s have been such a beautiful nod from the universe...as if the music gods are agreeing with the path I have chosen.  This isn't a hobby anymore, and the shows that seem to make their way to us fit-in with this stage of life, from the rock band gigs to the solo events.  

This is who I am now.  While I have an idea of the direction we will most likely be taking in the music scene as we continue to age, I'm keeping an open mind.  Sometimes those music gods have their own plans, and so there must always be an element of flow, surprise, and openness, along with goal setting, marketing, and booking shows.

So what about YOU?  What stage are you at on your own path?  Do have an area of your life where you've been investing hours and hours and years and years into?  Are you content or have you hit a wall?  What is your purpose with this gift that you possess?  We're all gifted, you know.  Fame and success aren't always the same thing, that's all.  

I hope I always see the potential and possibilities, with music, yoga...life, and I hope you see this for yourself, too.  And then, allow yourself to take that step back from your vision, so that you can honor who you are now.  Why?  Because this is it...you'll never get to come back to this moment.  And who you are now is exactly who you are meant to be.

Until next time...

~Janna

Good morning!  It's a gentle, rainy Thursday here on the east coast, and I feel drawn to sit, write, and share...

This past weekend, Rob, Mysti and I traveled to Charlottsville, Lynchburg, and Moneta...all cities located in the central and southern parts of this beautiful state of Virginia.  Rob drove his new Subaru (his SUV was totalled in August where he was the 3rd car in a 4-car collision on Route 64...thankfully, no one was hurt!).  Me, well, I sat in the passenger seat, and our little Mysti sprawled out in the back.  We took advantage of the 3-day, Columbus Day weekend to connect to one another, and explore new things.

We went to vintage clothing stores, enjoyed two dinners al fresco style (with Mysti), hiked one park, found an off-leash dog park where Mysti ran around with several dogs, and met up with old friends.  Oh, yeah, and we even managed to squeeze in a greasy breakfast at Waffle House...I must confess, since it's such a rare thing to our diet, it was most dee-lish!  Four quarters got us six tunes on the juke box!

Driving is much like life.  You see, while Rob was driving, focusing on things like safety, oncoming cars, passing zones, and speed limits, I was focusing on the expansive, rolling Virginia countryside.  The vineyard and farm properties, the changing leaves, and the cool, relaxed energy in my mind.  The fullness in my heart.  I was able to get a clear picture of my own life and our life as a couple and family as soon as we hit 15 South.  It's true what "they" say-- you can't see the forest through the trees...

Of course, once we were traveled through no-man's land and transitioned into cruise control, Rob was able to notice the red, golden, and green leaves forming a canopy around us through the moon/sunroof, the Garlic Festival at a local vineyard, cattle and horses...and the smiles on my and Mysti's faces. 

The beginning of Rob's and my weekend journey was much like the push we all need to get going to start our day, and Rob represents this well as the "driver".  Whether we are venturing out to an office, packing the kids' lunches, running errands for the home, or trying to make it on time for a daily or weekly doctor's appointment, the focus is on getting things done.  In this mode, unless we have alot of disposal, lingering, free time, we, most likely, are unable to notice the wrens sitting on the tree branches.

Once we get settled into our day, well, we have those pockets of time and space to be the passenger.  To observe our fellow man, nature, glimpses of ourselves.  At least, my hope is that most of you have at least one opportunity each day to go into cruise control mode, or actually take the rest stop. :)

What can you do today to give back to yourself, before you need to get behind the wheel, once again? 

Until next time,

~Janna

Happy September, everyone!  I sure hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend, feel refreshed and ready for the new things that the fall season is about to bring us all.

Around mid-August, as my gig schedule began to wind down, I had some space and time to think about what the summer season offered.  How challenging and abundant this stretch was-- probably the richest and most balanced summer I can recall having.  Reminded that we are where we are until we don't need to be there anymore, well, I moved completely out of my past and into my now-- consciously, deliberately, and with great discipline.  

I found myself spending less time on Facebook, and more time meeting with friends face-to-face.  I came to the realization that while I love my social media tools, I need the real thing-- human connection. 

Just the other day I was reminded of the old "guns-and-butter" theory from Economics 101.  The x-axis, the y-axis, and the visual of how time and resources spent on producing either too much or too little of one product (guns or butter) impacts the production of the other.  Depending on how full our lives already are, well, we probably have more than “guns” and “butter” that we’re producing, so we really have to budget our energy to work with everything on our plates, if it is a balanced and harmonious life that we are seeking.  And so we must use this most precious commodity wisely.  As Lao Tzu said, “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

In spending less time on Facebook, Myspace, email, and Twitter (why do I even have a Twitter account?), well, I found that I had and continue to have more energy to do what I am meant to be doing—my vocations are three-fold:  I am a homemaker, I teach and share the gift of yoga, and I write, record, market, and perform music.  Of course, I also have personal interests, continuing education, and gatherings with extended family or friends. 

I still use and love these wonderful networking sites as you all know, but not everyday.  It makes me appreciate what they do offer that much more! You have no idea how many times my Facebook Family has helped me, especially working independently.  In many ways, you’re my virtual coworkers.  :)

So, how about you—what is real to you?  What is your sense of purpose(s) at this stage of your life?

Do you know how much I genuinely care about your success and happiness?  These aren’t mere words.  I know it takes time and energy to create happiness in our lives, but it’s well worth the investment.  My wish is that you continue to feed the parts of you that are yearning for nourishment, that you feel joy, that you learn from your challenges with the understanding that they are connected to your growth, and that you give yourself space and time to be real, to be you.  :)

Until next time...

Good morning, and happy Monday!

As I was walking our dog, Mysti, this morning, surrounded by green, warmth, and buzzing sounds, I was thinking about everyone I love.  Hoping and wishing that, even if you are not able to devote much time to your "dreams" these days, that at the very least, you have a dream.  Or two. :)

Dreams can be quite powerful, even in their unmanifested state.  Because the mere possibility can bring joy to the soul.  Many of us will never realize our dreams because of life's circumstances or the choices we make.  I quote Rush from "Freewill"..."If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice."  But the very thought of the dream can take us to far away places, and perhaps in some parallel universe, we are living that version of ourselves.

I need to speak candidly, because as we age, well, we all have to examine our lives and our choices.  Our differences should be embraced, not a source of challenge.  One of my favorite quotes is "We can have it all, but not all at once."  And that really applies to what I'm about to say.  If you are ready to embark on the path of creating a new reality for yourself, and you are in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, please don't make money the #1 motivator, or else you will be destined to not achieve your true potential.  Why?  Because you aren't following your dreams for capital gain...you are following them for reasons that stem from the inside.  Happiness, contentment, joy, peace.  Just as with your first job, in time, as skill is acquired, money will follow.  Paradoxically, it won't really matter all that much...

Now, I speak as a woman who has chosen not to have children.  For my friends that have children, your path is completely different, because a huge part of your life's dream is to be a parent.  So, in essence, even if you dislike your 9-5 job, at the end of the day, you are coming home to your dream!

For those of us without children, we probably have a bit more financial freedom, depending on our lifestyles, simply because we don't have extra mouths to feed, bigger houses, minivans for the extra bodies, etc.  Remember, everything in life is a choice.  Even if the circumstance isn't, how we respond to it is...do we really need the sportscar if we're miserable?  Is the sportscar a golden handcuff to a job we want to move on from?  (I sold my sportscar back in the mid-90s...and while I had it, I thorougly enjoyed it.  Remember, truth is fluid, two-sided, and can evolve, just as we do.)

Self-editing/self-examination will then be critical components to realizing your dreams.  See what else is out there.  Are you as good as you think?  Can you get training to make you better? Volunteer in your field of interest to be around those who are already doing what you aspire to do?  Or, is your dream a fantasy?  What are your inherent skills?  Do you feel you have a purpose to fulfill?  What is stopping you from taking the first step?  We all have to face these questions...

My parents followed their dreams *and* were parents...my mom had to wait until we kids were a bit older, but now at almost-80 years old, she is *still* singing in her community chorus!  Dad was able to be a part-time musician while we were younger, because times were different...men had more freedoms than women.  But that has changed for your generation, ladies....thankfully!

So, maybe you cannot be on reality TV just yet...don't let this stop you!  You can be making a difference in your community.  We all have to start somewhere...and some of us, depending on what else we have on our plates, may choose to stay at the community level.  Remember, these are *your* dreams, no one else's. 

Shine on, and in doing so, know that you will inspire those around you!

Until next time...

Good morning, and happy Monday!

I'm quoting a lyric from one of my own tunes today...this line is from "Rest of Me".  While I wrote this song 5 years ago, each time I undergo big change it comes to mind.  The verse actually goes:  "Here I stand divided/Holding on to history/Before I can move on I must let go."

The past two weeks have represented a big ending for Rob and me.  With the passing of our sweet Rio (she made it to 15!), well, one can't help but examine their life...past, present, and even future.  The first week of healing was all about looking back.

We spent over 14 years with Rio, and Rob and I were very young at heart when we adopted her.  Rob was in 5 rock bands back then, I was in two bands plus the solo thing, we rented a house in Arlington, we both drove convertibles, spring vacations in the mountains, early fall getaways at the beach...we were very carefree. And Rio was right along there with us.

Through the years we matured, as did Rio.  New things became important to us.  We bought a home, got SUVs, scaled back on the music (meaning only 2 bands each!), progressed in our careers, produced a few CDs, we experienced the passing of my father, my diagnosis of cancer back in 2008, and then Rio’s cancer diagnosis in February 2010.  Simply put, Rob, Rio and I—“we”-- experienced everything together. And the entire time, Rio was smiling. She was a bundle of joy!

Rio's precious life ending this month came as no surprise to me on many levels.  She represents the past several chapters of our lives.  And in order to make space for the next book, well, it's time to let go.  Not of the memories, not from the love...but from the bits of ourselves that may still think we're 29 years old.  Sometimes we don't realize we're aging, or that our loved ones are aging, until there is an ending like this.  It’s a good time to evaluate where we are, what we have, and how we can still make things work within the context of it all. 

Rob said it so eloquently…”Rio’s love was simple and pure.  And with her, we created a pack, a family.  Human love is much more complex.”  We both have realized that the love shared with Rio was unique, and this hole we feel can only be filled by loving another animal.  Not by shopping more, not by gigging more, working more, not be teaching more yoga, or buying another guitar.  Only love—pure love—can replace love.  Rio has forever opened a part of us to animal love and care.

So as we’re moving on, letting go of the old bits, we can now gaze at ourselves in the mirror.  Where we can go from here.  One thing’s for sure-- we’ll be rescuing another dog soon.  Along with gigging, recording, teaching, writing code, vacationing, shopping, exercising, caring for home, caring for ourselves, connecting with friends, drawing inspiration from others, sharing, loving, experiencing, and balancing all of the things that are on our plates at this stage of our lives.

Many of you have told me that these blogs somehow inspire you.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me...truly.  While you may not be experiencing an ending quite like this, perhaps it is still a good time to check-in.  Observe yourself on the train of life.  Is it, are you, heading in the direction you wish or need to go?  If not, get off and just allow yourself to stand on the platform for a bit.  When you're ready, the next train will pull up, so that you can move on from who you were to who you are becoming. 

 Until next time…

Good morning!  I hope you are enjoying the first days of summer...

What a transitional stage this is...if you read my last blog, "I'm Ready", you know I've been working on cleaning my cupboards, both metaphorically and literally.  This week's project…my home office.

It's amazing how much paper we accumulate...so many fragments of my past self...personal and professional project plans, medical records from the cancer journey, and letters to people never sent.  I even found a piece of notebook paper with disjointed thoughts from my previous job-- which I left in February 2008.  It felt freeing to put that paper in the shredder.  How one little page triggered a whole lot of unresolved emotions.

I've always been designated the "cheerleader"...you know, that person who helps you see the positive side to things.  This is a great skill to have, unless of course, we're neglecting to see the full truth, and talking ourselves into staying in unhealthy situations. I am here to confess that with my last job, I failed to allow myself to see the full scope.  And because of this, I stayed longer than I needed to.  Or did I?

Lao Tzu is quoted as saying, "The words of truth are always paradoxical."  As I have begun my new life, sharing music full-time, teaching yoga, and launching Happy Heart Yoga, loving my family every possible minute, living in the now, following my truth, I must reveal the other side of this last chapter-- there is no need not to.  No fear of retribution.  I feel mostly compelled to share this honesty because my instincts are that there is at least one of my readers who will feel the words and take action in their own life to move forward to living a happier, healthier existence.  And that, my friends, makes this 45 minutes of blogging well-worth the time!

I need to step back for a sec-- were you a "Lost" fan?  I hope so, because this story will make much more sense. :)  The series finale was open to many different interpretations, based on the viewer's knowledge, belief systems, and, well, all good art should really have more than one meaning.  I felt as though the island was purgatory—they died in the crash.  But these souls needed to sort through whatever they needed to before they could move on-- to the Light, Heaven, the next level of consciousness...whatever your beliefs.  Jack was the last to go…and everyone was waiting for him in the end.  It was beautiful.

My last job, where I spent over 4 years of my life, was my purgatory.  I worked there from ages 37-41.  Some of my younger friends found the job to be easy—“candyland”.  And I'm so happy it was, because they were just starting out on their career paths.  But for someone who had been down this road 15 years ago, it was far from it…from day one I knew it wasn’t for me.  Truly.  You see, over the four years, I kept recycling the same experiences over and over again.  I had been “here/there" before.   While my soul understood why it needed to move on from those other jobs, I suppose in my late 30s/early 40s, my mind wanted to know why. Four years...four years of my precious life.  To be diagnosed with cancer 13 days after my departure...let’s just say I knew immediately what was going on.  It was not "bad luck"...simply put, it was a huge wake-up call.  This is merely my truth.  Only you know what your truth is.

I had a bit of Jack Shepard in myself-- trying harder and harder to make things work, being a leader in a non-leadership role on this island.  I was trapped by my own need to do good for the company-- the island-- that I forgot about me.  I was allowing someone else to lead me, the course of my life.  This is fine if we're in our 20s or early 30s, but as we age, it is very important that we have a handle on who we are so that we don't allow others to take us off track.

Thankfully, I was anchored during those four years with a husband who loves me, a beautiful extended family, music, yoga, and faith.  I obviously needed to be there before I could move forward. 

There were a couple "Sawyers", or bullies, in our virtual purgatory.  But mainly, the island's inhabitants were loving, caring, fun people.  A few of them, younger versions of myself; others, not so much, yet we respected  the differences and supported one another.  If there is a divine plan, and this was necessary for my evolution, well, I had the best group of people to be stuck with.  At a soul level, I am extremely grateful and feel love for all of them. 

I loved the Janna I was, and I am allowing her to speak her full truth, so that this current version of me can be free and clear of the emotional clutter.  I suppose I needed to be lost on this island so that I could find my complete truth.  And for that, I am forever grateful.  And ungrateful at the same time. :)   

Don’t wait for the cancer, the heart attack, the miscarriage, the divorce-- chances are, you've had minor wake-up calls in your life already.  Are you listening?  Or are you too busy like I was?  Take a moment this weekend, give yourself some space, as painful as it may be, and listen.  Simply listen to your truth, and begin to unwrap your gifts.    

Until next time…Janna

Good morning, and happy Sunday!  I am just returning from my personal yoga practice, and am in a state of grounded bliss.  Before I become one with my family and prepare brunch, I thought to take a moment to channel this energy creatively. 

I don't know about you, but the month of May has been a big one, of letting go of old ways...cleaning my internal cupboards.  I have found that once we create the space, we can begin to see ourselves for who we truly are at this moment.  Maybe, just maybe, we will even get a glimpse of who we are preparing to become. 

As we grow older, mature, chances are we begin to accumulate things.  Depending on how long you've lived in your home, you can see this in tangible form-- how crowded your crawl space is, the kitchen pantry, the toy box, and your closets.  I suppose spring cleaning is actually a wonderful way of physically making space, all the while, hopefully we are able to pass things along to someone else in need, by donating our goods.   

I remember in December 2008, I was cleaning our kitchen cabinets.  I couldn't believe all of the outdated food I found pushed to the back of each shelf.  By the time I organized our broths, soups, beans, sauces, and spices, our shelves were *still full*.  And I had two kitchen bags filled for trash.  Ouch.  This clutter was merely a reflection of how busy and disorganized my life was beneath the surface.  Oh, sure, with the doors closed, one couldn't see the crammed cans, but once those doors opened and I dedicated time to the project, I could dig a bit deeper to see what was really going on.

We're all so busy, and the D.C. metropolitan area has this way of pushing us to achieve our best.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  As with everything, it simply needs to be adjusted, balanced with the other parts of our precious lives.  We need to take better inventory of our psychological and emotional space.  What do you really need?  What serves you at this stage of your life?  Trust me when I say your internal and your external lives are interconnected.

Now that my cupboards are cleared for the next leg of my personal and professional journey, I'm ready.  I'm ready to continue to reach my full potential, not just professionally, and not just personally.  All parts of self are traveling together down this road, harmoniously.

Are you ready for the next version of you?

Until next time...

~Janna

Today is a sacred day.  Somehow you think over the years you'll forget about it, let it pass by.  It's been exactly nine years since Dad passed away, and along with his birthday, the 28th day of April will forever remain a day to reflect, remember and honor him.  Not just for me, but for my mom, and my siblings, too. 

If you have lost a parent, and were close to your parent, then you know that the healing process takes much longer than those around you who haven't lost a parent think "should" be enough time.  I suppose it's a bit of fear and pure ignorance that fuels their thoughts.  I understand, as I probably was insensitive to this topic before Dad died.  Of course, life goes on.  But when I lost dad at 34 years old, I was not prepared on any level...my life's experiences up to that point had been a collection of job transitions, a couple of boyfriends, and the biggie: a divorce.  Death?  "I'm too young", I thought.  Aren't we all too young to have to go through this?  To have to lose the physical presence of someone so beloved?  Through dad's passing, one of my coworkers shared that he lost his dad when he was in his early 20s.  How blessed I was to have dad as long as I did...

Ah, yes, today I choose to share with whoever reads my blog how powerful a presence Dad was in my life.  He helped shape my brain, my curiousity, for he raised me with an open mind and unconditional love.  He encouraged my music, and we wrote songs together.  We shared books together.  We listened to music together.  When I quit my high-powered job at MCI back in the mid-90s, he, as my parent, had a few questions.  "Janna, are you sure you want to do this?  You're earning more than I ever earned as a psychologist."  After I explained my need and passion to move toward my musical goals, Dad then confided in me, "I often saw myself, Janna, as being an accountant during tax season and a full-time musician, but I had a family to provide for."  Let me be clear-- Dad had no regrets having his family.  But at that moment, what he was really sharing with me was the power and impact our decisions have on all aspects of our lives.  That there are trade-offs. 

While it took me another decade to make this dream of music and yoga come to fruition, I'm here....I'm here!  And every single time I sit to write a new song, all I need to do is go into my heart, where Dad still lives, and write, re-write.  It's part me and it's part him.  Even these blogs I write...they are, in essence, a result of being raised by two loving, open-minded parents.  A psychologist and musician for a father, and a classical singer and free spirit in my mother, who, thankfully, continues to inspire me at 79 years young.

So today, do me a favor.  Remember those who have passed on, or connect with someone you work with who may have experienced loss.  Then take a moment out of your day to love the living.  Step out of your comfort zone and share your love, in words, in gesture, with those closest to you.  Hug them.  Look into their eyes.  Celebrate why we are all here-- our true purpose-- to love one another. 

Until next time...

~Janna

April.  This has always been a month of change for me.  I can look back a good ten years now and say that...perhaps nature merely reflects what is going on internally...our own emotional and spiritual evolution? 

We're just returning from the beach...she made it!  In late March, things weren't looking promising.  Not only did Rio make it for the trip, but she was actually vibrant and physically stronger.  Paradoxically, the prednisone began to lose its effect a few days before our departure...her lymph nodes (neck) are becoming swollen again.  This doesn't seem to matter to Rio, so I'm going to follow her lead. :)

I mentioned in my previous entry, Her Name is Rio, that throughout her life, Rio has been a little Buddha for me.  And she still is.  How much I am learning about her, me, us (Rob & me)-- life-- through this challenge. 

For example, dogs don't have pride.  Sure, they can be a bit stubborn, but they know when to concede in situations.  Rio likes long walks, but her 15-year-old-legs tire midway through.  So, with the generosity of one of our beautiful neighbors, Rio now has a wagon.  Yep...a Red Flyer.  When she slows down, Rob simply picks her up, puts her in the wagon, and begins to pull her.  Immediately Rio smiles, because she feels relief. She feels comfort. She understands that she needs the wagon.  No pride. 

How many times are we offered things that we need, but are quick to say "no, thank you" because our pride stands in the way?  As if it we've been trained that receiving help from others is a sign of weakness? We don't have enough white space for me to share how often I've succumbed to pride in my past.  :)

Rob and I had time for one another while at the beach...it was a vacation for us, too.  Nourishing our relationship, our love, and even having individual alone time is as essential as water (I was able to take 1.5 hour yoga classes daily...heaven!).  I know we all know this, and yet blocking the time can be a very challenging aspect in most families.  As I watched the moms, dads, and kids build sand castles, the couples holding hands walking on the beach, how  I knew they, too, were enjoying their precious family time. 

Today of all days I am officially closing the chapter to my own cancer journey...come 3PM, a surgeon will be removing the 3-pronged power port embedded in the right side of my chest. This is where nurses administered chemotherapy back in 2008, and my first cycle of chemo was almost two years to the day. I am reminded through Rio's journey what my own cancer journey taught me.  I, too, am dancing on the sand.

Life is full of challenges-- no one can escape this.  Reframing how we define these challenges could be the key to a more peaceful existence. 

Here's to a peaceful day-- in your minds, and in your hearts.  Until next time...

Happy Sunday, Happy Spring! 

Many of you know that along with being a professional musician, I am also a yoga teacher/instructor.  Back in December 2008, I predicted that the musical and yogic paths would soon be intersecting, even though I didn't quite know what that meant or looked like.  At the close of 2009, I began to understand...

So, I set 2010 goals, one of which was to offer more service through both yoga and music.  Yes, in essence, every yoga class I teach or song I sing is a form of service, but my intention here was to reach out to those truly in-need, beyond the basic struggles of day-to-day living.  In yoga, we call this Karma Service, or selfless service.  Not the karma that most westerners think of in "what goes around comes around". In karma service, one truly serves for the purpose of serving and helping. Period.

This doesn't mean that the giver doesn't receive, for more often than not, the person who gives feels tremendous joy at the end of their service. :)

Yesterday-- the first day of spring-- the Janna Audey Band had the privilege of performing at the Alexandria Jail, a pre-trial facility in northern VA, for the inmate services division.  This division at the jail is committed to helping incarcerated individuals gain skills and knowledge, so as they re-enter society, they are better equipped to lead productive lives.  My sister is Captain of this division.

Here's the beautiful part-- my sis had *no idea* of my mission of service when she approached me on Christmas Day about what the program has been doing.  She was beaming with excitement, because she saw the HOPE that the inmates were receiving as a result of the program.  HOPE that they *can* be more than drug dealers, users, etc.  I need to mention here that the men and women we played for were just that-- drug dealers, users.  There were no high-profile inmates permitted to participate in the program.

As we were setting up our equipment, WTOP wanted to interview us...that was pretty cool, and totally unexpected.  Terry and I shared that if we could make one person smile, tap their toes, or feel hope, than we would've done our part.  What transpired over the next hour was completely mind-blowing.  Chair dancing, singing, eyes closed, feeling the music, rhythmic, syncopated hand claps to keep the beat, and standing ovations.  This crowd was completely experiencing the music for what it is.  A form of love, positive energy, and this gig allowed us yet another opportunity to do just that...to share our gifts.

No matter what your gifts are, I hope you are sharing them. Touching and  inspiring others, whoever those "others" may be.  You never know who you may impact, or what type of positive effect this can have on that person, and those around them.

Until next time... ~Janna

In case you haven't noticed yet, or are a new reader, each blog title is either a song title or a lyric from a song.  Since yesterday, I haven't been able to get this Bob Dylan tune out of my head.  Probably because my aunt just died, and we're getting ready to head to PA to honor her life. Lebanese-style...

Every culture is unique and rich.  I am blessed to have been born second-generation Lebanese.  As I look back on my youth, I understand all of the layers of our culture, and then specific to being an "Audey" and a "Nasser". 

Yes, I am sad my Aunt Kay has passed, because she was probably the most spirited of my Dad's sisters.  She and I connected...those deep brown eyes of hers, the feisty temperament, the casual dropping of the F-bomb, that beautiful, bold laugh.  As a woman, to recall those childhood and young-adult memories with her from this vantage point, well, it's pretty powerful to put it all together.  She'll be forever imprinted in my DNA, my soul. 

The flip side to the sadness is that I have no doubt that her siblings-- my dad, Uncle John, Aunt Annie, Uncle Ernie, Aunt Vicky, Aunt Isabel, her parents, and her in-laws, are all toasting her arrival, instruments are being played, and Arabic songs are being sung.  They are dancing the dabke, waving the napkin at each end, celebrating the second part of her life, as she is now reunited with them...it's their turn to have her, once again.

We here on Earth can celebrate and rejoice in all of the good times, and remember the challenging times, too.  Life is filled with both, as we humans are complex.  We are all learning and growing, stumbling and falling, no matter how old, wise, or aware.  We are perfectly imperfect.

So here's to you, Aunt Kay.  To the love you shared through your incredible cooking, your generosity, your laughter, your entire being.  I will be raising the glass to you this weekend along with all of your other nieces and nephews, and your children, friends, and surviving brother.  Heaven's doors have opened wide for your vibrant soul. 

Until next time...Janna